me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
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The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
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Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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