You smell like a Billy Joel song
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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