you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
there's paper in my vomit.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
