So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Randomize
