she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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