do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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