First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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