I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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