she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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