I showed him my bush... on skype.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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