hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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