i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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