mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
