Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Randomize
