awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
