WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
