I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
