I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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