my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize