you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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