This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
