he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
They took my balls.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
