Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
