The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
