Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
