I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
