Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
