I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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