Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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