Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
