Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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