When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
