Don't you send me to vm
You work out of a Hotel?
one might say we're banned from that church
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
