It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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