Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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