He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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