ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
