I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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