she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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