Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
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There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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