a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Semen is not good for contacts.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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