i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
