Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
