yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
