my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
