i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
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i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
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My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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