Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
