Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
