god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
