This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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