Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
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ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
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Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
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