Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
