Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
