So drunk, too bad you don't want this
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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