seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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