Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize