if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Shame - the story of my life.
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