My Higher Power is John Stamos
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Green mimosas i think yes
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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