thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
