I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
