I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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