$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Randomize
