Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
