I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
