Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
