shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
