Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
