Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
