I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
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found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
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I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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