What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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